Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize