he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
