I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
