I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
