I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
