I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
