Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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