i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
