Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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