Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So here I am, sexting at work.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
