I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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