I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I have fence marks all over my body
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
