I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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