He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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