The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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