I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
