when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how do flat chested girls get laid?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
