toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
