in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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