Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
