Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
