He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
