last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
