Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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