dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
