If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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