Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
