Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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