A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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