The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
