Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
