Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize