he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize