We're facebook friends in real life
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
