I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
