i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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