i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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