I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
