Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize