Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
