K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
