So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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