My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
