Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
