are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
