ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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