just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
