I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Buhtt sex?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize