You're so nebulous sometimes
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
