somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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