I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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