I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
