You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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