I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
