Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
