I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
