my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
