Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
