I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
