There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just wanna soil my oats bro
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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