So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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